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Hal Runkel on Parenting and Leadership

My wife and I attended a great seminar over the weekend and I wanted to share my notes:

Key Note

Hal Runkel, Author of Screamfree Parenting and The Self-Centered Marriage.


  • Why should your children respect and listen to you if you are acting the same way as they do?
  • Screaming may scare you children but it does not compel them to obey you.
  • Parenting is the most important leadership role on the planet.
  • You are not responsible for the choices anybody makes including your children’s. As a parent it is your job to help your children make better decisions. Guide your children to a place where they no longer depend on you.
  • Your job is to introduce your kids to reality.
  • Kids do what drives us nuts because it drives us nuts. Don’t go nuts.
  • When your three-year old attempts to separate Mom and Dad when they are hugging, don’t break the hug. Show your child the strength of your bond as a couple.
  • When you child says “I’m bored” respond with “That’s a bummer, what do you want to do about it?” Lead them to solving their own problems.
  • When your kids are fighting over the computer calmly say,  “You’ve got ten minutes to fix the problem, I believe you can do it. When I come back and you’ve solved the problem, great. If not the computer is turned off for the remainder of the night”
  • If you child is acting out: lean over a quietly say “Hey Dude, what do you think is going to happen if you do that again?” Allow them to think about consequences


  • Do you want to manage or lead? No one likes to be managed but everyone likes to be led.
  • You are the CEO of your life! How would you grade yourself? Are you living up to your own standard as a leader?
  • Read “Quiet Strength” by Tony Dungy.
  • If you are not under control, you cannot be in charge.
  • If you want more respect stay calm and speak quietly. People will listen.
  • Good leaders point out options, consequences and time limits with clarity.
  • Share the entire problem with your staff: the anxiety and the true situation. Allow your staff to understand, take ownership and invite them to make decisions.
Dave Notte

About the Author: Dave Notte

Dave Notte is the founder of Wolfgang Commercial Painters, one of Metro Vancouver's largest commercial and strata painting companies.

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